


Virtually Perfect

by chubbychoco



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, M/M, Online Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chubbychoco/pseuds/chubbychoco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Tony have decided to meet their online dating partners...of course, they have no idea they're each other's matches.  Also, Clint and Bruce are meddling little shits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Virtually Perfect

“Get out of my elevator,” Tony demanded, swatting half-heartedly at Steve.  ”And I can actually say that.  I own the building.  Seriously, Steve, I’m having colossal me-space issues right now, and I’m gearing up for something important; you couldn’t wait?”

“No, I couldn’t,” Steve answered, elbowing Tony out of his way in order to press the lobby button.  ”I’m meeting someone, and I don’t want to be late.”

“Oh?” Tony asked, grinning wickedly, all his space issues apparently forgotten.  ”Meeting someone, huh?  That’s new.  And it’s obviously not a work buddy, because the gang’s all here.  Is the all-American boy finally going to go get his rocks off?  Put some spangle in your dangle?”  Laughing, Tony dodged a punch to the face which probably would have broken his nose.

“ _No._   Not that it’s any of your business,” Steve responded curtly, breezing through the doors as soon as they opened.  ”Have some respect when it comes to relationships, Tony - you might even be able to maintain one.”  He cracked his knuckles and grabbed his riding jacket, determined to be there on time.  He knew Tony meant well, but honestly, that man could be  _so_  exasperating.  Steve sighed and walked over to his motorcycle, taking out his phone and examining the message before he left - just to make sure he had the right time.

_Starbucks by Stark Tower, 4:15 today?  I can’t wait to meet you. - FeVir_

_I’d love to.  I’ll text you when I’m there. - PiePlusApples_

Steve chuckled softly at his screen name.  Clint had, after teaching Steve not to be afraid of his phone, logged onto a mysterious site and typed it in for him, saying that it was American without being overt.  It had taken Steve a while to realize the archer had signed him up for a dating site…and by the time he  _did_  realize it, he’d already become thoroughly interested in ‘FeVir.’

Of course, the last thing Steve expected to see when he pulled up to the Starbucks was Tony, seated with an expression of smug aplomb.  He flicked his eyes over to Steve and his face fell into a soft scowl.  The moment Steve’s helmet was off, he gestured him over and asked in a low, irritated voice, “What are you doing here?”

“What am  _I_ doing here!” Steve repeated, mirroring Tony’s aggression.  ”This was where I was planning on coming the whole time!  Did you follow me?”

“No!  I’ve got better things to do than follow you, Cap - I’m meeting someone here.  So shoo.”

“It’s not your Starbucks!” Steve argued, though given Tony’s fat bank account, it damn well could have been.  ”And anyway, I’m meeting someone as well, remember?”

Tony sighed, leaning back.  ”Jeez,” he groaned quietly.  ”Fine, I can’t make you leave.  But if you tell any of our teammates about this, I’ll throw you off the top floor of the tower.  I’m dead serious.”

Steve leaned back, crossing his arms.  ”What’s so embarrassing about you meeting someone here?” he asked.

“I…I met them online,” Tony muttered.  ”Me!  Tony Stark, having to meet someone online!  But I’m  _tired_  of people coming up to me because of who I am - I was hoping maybe this person would like me for…uh, who I am.  You get what I mean, right?”

“You want someone to like you as Tony Stark, human being, not Tony Stark, billionaire-slash-Iron Man,” Steve answered.

“Yeah.  And the site was anonymous, so…I figured it’d be my best shot.”

“Well, don’t feel too bad.  That’s actually why I’m here, too.”  Steve scratched the back of his head nervously.  ”I didn’t realize it was something to be embarrassed about.”

“It’s not, not under your circumstances.”  Tony glanced at his phone, frowning slightly.  ”Seven minutes late.  Well, this is New York City.  He probably got caught up in traffic.”

“‘He?’” Steve asked, eyes widening.  ”I didn’t know you were gay.”

“Pansexual, actually.  And I swear, Steve, if you go all 40s homophobe on me and ruin my date, I’ll - “

“No, no!  I’m…uh…I’m actually meeting a guy, too.”

Tony’s eyes lit with obvious delight.  ”You’re  _kidding._ ”

“No.  My less-than-stellar luck with women seems to be heading nowhere, and people are a lot more accepting of it now.  So I figured, ‘What the hell?’  Actually, now that I think about it, I should let him know I’m here.”

Steve took out his phone and slowly managed his message.   _Hey, I’m here.  Wearing a brown leather motorcycle jacket and jeans; sitting with a friend I bumped into.  Want me to order something for you?  The scones here are really nice._

Steve sent it and leaned back, face flushing slightly pink.  He was really going to meet FeVir, and maybe they’d really like each other.  It wouldn’t just be a relationship, either; it would be a step towards normal -

“I prefer the muffins, myself.”

Steve looked up sharply.  Tony was looking at him with wary intensity, but it still took Steve a moment to understand.  No.  No, that was impossible.  ”…FeVir?” Steve squeaked.

“PiePlusApples?” Tony responded.

Steve buried his face in his hands and groaned.  ”Why can’t I catch a break?” he demanded to no one in particular.

“Ouch.  Sitting right here, Steve.”  Tony stuffed his phone back into his pocket and sighed.  ”So, that’s one vanilla coffee, extra cream, no whip, and a scone.”  He stood.  ”I’m buying.”

“You don’t have to.  This isn’t a date,” Steve responded glumly.

“The hell it isn’t.”  Tony coaxed Steve’s gaze up towards his, letting the captain’s chin rest against his index finger.  ”Obviously, you’re doing something right - I’ve been waiting to meet you for months.”

“Tony, we get along like oil and water,” Steve pointed out.

“Not online.”

“We’re not online any more.”

Tony shrugged and moved to the counter, placing his order and offering a sizable tip before sitting back down and looking at Steve. “Steve, PiePlusApples - that’s you - is the best thing I’ve got in my life right now.  Not joking.  I don’t have much else to look forward to, so I’m going to at least give this a try.  Are you?”

Steve opened his mouth to say no, Tony was too free-spirited and mischievous for him.  But actually, he related to Tony’s predicament.  All he had to look forward to at home was depressing news reports and broken sandbags.  ”I guess we could try,” Steve said, shaking his head.  ”But if you keep teasing me…”  He let himself trail off there.  Tony had an active imagination, he could fill in the threats as he saw fit.

Tony smiled.  ”Wait, you’re saying yes.”

“Yes.  What, was that the wrong answer?  Quit confusing me.”

“No, I…I just didn’t expect you to say yes.  Between the two of us, I’m the more unlivable one.  I’m man enough to admit it.”

“Yes, you are.  We’ll have to work on that.”

“Steve, Steve, Steve.  We’ve been sort-of-dating for all of five minutes, and you’re already trying to change me.  What’s next?  You want me to shave?”

“Actually, I really like your facial hair.”

And from there, it simply slid into place.  The two of them launched into playful conversation, occasionally nattering at each other, but for the most part, smiling and allowing themselves to relax for the first time in a long time.  Steve quickly learned that when Tony laughed genuinely, it was rich, almost giggly.  His eyes - which were a lovely shade of brown, now that he actually looked - crinkled at the edges when he smiled, and they flickered softly before his deeper, harder chortles.  Tiny, useless little details…and Steve liked them a lot.

Outside, across the street at a Pita Pit, two other Avengers watched them carefully.  Bruce grinned around a mouthful of falafel as Tony threw his head back, laughing so hard his eyes teared up.  ”Nice work, handsome.”

Clint looked over and smirked, obviously quite pleased with himself.  ”Eh, it wasn’t hard.  I know the person who created the website; I just had her link their profiles together as ‘Most Compatible.’  Not that she needed to, apparently - she said they registered as an eighty-seven percent match.”  He wiped tzatziki away from his mouth.  ”Steve was the easy one - he’s still so baffled by tech, he just sort of went with it.  Talking Tony into getting an online dating profile, though…yeesh.  I should have gotten paid for it.”

Bruce smiled.  ”You did good.”

“Thanks, doc.  I tried.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a prompt fill here: http://talesfrommidgard.tumblr.com/post/36089628551/stony-steve-and-tony-are-still-bickering-in-public
> 
> Also, while the origin of Steve's screen name might be obvious, Tony's might not be. So: Fe = periodic table of elements symbol for iron, Vir = one of four known Latin words for 'man.' Even when he's anonymous, he's not really afraid to let people know that he's Iron Man.


End file.
